Stop “shoulding” all over yourself

“I should race the event, not just do it for fun.”

“I should sign up for that 5k.”

“I should be faster.”

“I shouldn’t eat that slice of pizza.”

“My house should be cleaner.”

Everyday I hear women shoulding all over themselves. In our sessions we spend a lot of time exploring the meaning of those “shoulds”. From a very young age we have been socialized to ask “should I?” This “should I….” encourages and supports the expectations of others while it teaches women to have self doubt and to question their own judgment. 

“Should I…..” robs us of knowing what we actually want, and making a decision based on our wants and needs.  It is no wonder that I see FaceBook groups filled with women asking “should I….?” Over their lifetime those women were not encouraged to recognize their own needs or to trust their own judgment. 

Let’s stop “shoulding” on ourselves. Instead let’s reclaim our power to recognize what we want and need. 

The 1st step in this process is simply to shift “I should” to “I want” Instead of “I should go to the gym” say  “I want to go to the gym”. This simple shift puts the decision power and control back into your hands. Notice what your reaction is when you say “I want…..”

The next step is to look at the pros and cons of both doing, and not doing the thing. Through using this decision matrix we get a clearer picture of what we actually want to do. We will also learn some of the underlying desires, supports and obstacles. The decision matrix takes away the judgment that often accompanies “should”, it may help us identify what that want is important and how we can accomplish it. 

For example: 

Original: I should ride faster

Change: I want to ride faster

Pros of riding faster

I will show myself how fast I can be

I will be out on course a shorter period of time

My wife won’t have to wait as long

I will have a better chance of finishing on the podium

Cons of riding faster

I don’t have the time to train

I am afraid I may push myself too hard

I may miss some of the beautiful scenery

Pros of not riding faster

I won’t have to train as hard

I will have more time for work and family

I will get a chance to enjoy the nature I am riding through

I won’t feel disappointed if I don’t meet a time goal

Cons of not riding faster

I will be left with self doubt about what I can achieve

I will be out of course a lot longer

I may be riding alone

Let’s all stop “shoulding” on ourselves and reclaim our power of choice and decision making. Although this process may sound easy, we are breaking years of habit and learning. I’m here to support you while you build these skill. Schedule an appointment with me so we together we can help you reclaim your power of decision making and choices.