DNF: The 3 most disliked and misunderstood letters in endurance sports
Did Not Finish……DNF……so harsh, so final. As a triathlete I often heard the mantra “Death before DNF”. In my younger years (you know, in my 30s and early 40s), I often thought I would have to be taken off the course on a stretcher before I would voluntarily end a race before the finish line. I put in months of training. Spent lots of money on entry fees, coaching, hotels and transportation to the race. I lost sleep waking up well before sunrise, I skipped social activities with family and friends, I gave up pizza! Yes, I gave up pizza, the best food on earth. Now, in my 50s I will do everything in my power to finish the event, but even more importantly to not end up on a stretcher and to be able to function later that day. I have learned to listen to my body.
In 2016 I had my 1st DNF. Boy was it a doozy. Picture it, a rainy overcast day, Mont Tremblant, Quebec, Canada. The Canadian artillery fired a really big gun (I’m sure that is the technical term), the Canadian Air Force did a fly over. Adrenaline pumping through my veins. I lined up for the start of Ironman Mont Tremblant knowing I had not been feeling well, knowing my training had been very poor, knowing in my heart of hearts that this would not be a good day to race. Ignoring all of my inner chatter, ignoring the metaphorical field of red flags, I jumped in the water and started my 140.6 mile journey. I did not last 140.6 miles. I swam the 2.4 miles, hopped on my bike, and within 10 miles I knew the day would end much sooner than I wanted.
Somehow I managed to ride approximately 40 miles. It was pure grit, self talk and negotiating with myself. I made my way back to transition and ended up in the medical tent. That was how I ended my last Ironman. (For the full story listen to the Hit Play Not Pause Podcast with me here).
You can probably guess I was disappointed, sad and angry that I did not finish that race. Part of me wants to get back out there to finish that last Ironman. There is another part, the more grounded, realistic part that knows that journey is over.
Since then I have had 2 additional DNFs at races. One was in 2021 at Vermont Overland, and the other was just last month, July 2023 at Dirty Kitten. Both are gravel bike events. Both for different reasons. In Vermont Overland I very simply was not having fun. The deep muddy sections were not enjoyable. This was not my “A” race, I had another event coming up in a few weeks that I was focused on. I pulled the plug, called it a day and rode back to the start.
Dirty Kitten was a very different story. It was hot, like living on the sun hot. I focused on hydration in the days leading up to the event and during the ride. I also cooled myself with ice and water throughout the event. The course was 3 loops. Loop 1 went really well. Within 10 minutes of starting the 2nd loop I got a sudden splitting headache. No amount of nutrition, hydration, ice or water helped to quell the headache. A mile or two from the end of the 2nd loop dizziness decided to join the party. When I finished the 2nd loop I took on more ice, took some advil, tried to cool down. When the headache and dizziness did not subside I decided to end the race.
In each race I was disappointed that I stopped. In both I am also comfortable with my decision. I am especially comfortable with my decision to stop in Dirty Kitten. My body was giving me every sign that I was getting in deep trouble with the heat.
I have finished most of the races that I have started (3 other long course triathlons, many 70.3 and sprint triathlons, Unbound, SBT, Rooted VT, Swamp Fox Gravel Fondo, Farmer’s Daughter, NY Gran Fondo, USAT Nationals…..). I can promise you the thought of stopping entered my mind in every single race. So what leads to us stopping vs what keeps us going? And how do we deal with the disappointment of the decision to stop?
Let me backup a step. A DNF is not always at a race. Sometimes we are not successful at climbing a hill we want to climb. Maybe we end a training day early. Maybe we back off on the power or pace we planned. The feelings of disappointment in those situations may be similar to the feelings of a DNF at an event. Whether in a race or on a training ride feeling disappointed can lead to the thoughts of “I could have gone further,” “I could have pushed harder,” “I should be able to do this.” Or perhaps that inner chatter leads to the inner critic having a field day in our mind.
Sometimes ending our day early is out of our control. We didn’t make a time cut off, we had a mechanical failure, we got injured. There are other times when we could have pushed harder, faster, longer. It would have hurt in the moment, but it was doable. Then there are the times we need to listen to the inner voice telling us to stop.
That leads to the question:
How do we decide when to stop and when to push?
So how do we decide to stop? What a question! There are so many layers to it. I start with my goal, go through the 4 Cs of stress hardiness: control, commitment, challenge, and connection and finally I check in on my physical state.
Because it was so recent I’m going to use Dirty Kitten as the example
My goal was to finish feeling strong, to stay healthy, to have fun and enjoy the community.
Control: what do I have control over? I had control over my nutrition, hydration, mindset, power, cadence, stopping and going.
Commitment: what am I committed to? I was committed to feeling challenged, to finishing the race healthy enough to have our planned road trip after. I was committed to being part of the gravel cycling community.
Challenge: Reframe the situation from a problem to a challenge: I looked at what I could do to address the situation.
Connection: what would my social connections think if I stopped or kept going? (I am not looking for their judgment, but rather what would a caring outsider suggest in this situation?) How would my decision impact them? I was able to talk with my wife. She was 100% on board with me stopping after the 2nd loop. She did not want me to do anything that would put my health in question. I spoke with other racers, their support and a volunteer, all supported the decision to stop the event.
Physical: I was hot, had a sudden onset splitting headache and was a bit dizzy. I rested for about 10-15 minutes, drank my hydration mix, and put ice on me to see if the headache would fade. When the physical signs did not go away I decided to end the race.
After thinking through these I made the decision to stop. The commitment to my health was the biggest factor in the decision to stop. Going through this process made the disappointment I felt much less. Yes, I still felt disappointed, AND I felt confident and comfortable in my decision.
For a different example I can look at the Farmer’s Daughter. It is about a 65 mile gravel bike race in the Catskills region of NY. It is a HILLY route with over 6300 ft of elevation. The hills are punchy and at times steep. It was raining that day, so the dirt roads took a bit more effort to pedal over. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to quit. There were a few times I got off my bike to walk up the hills. Not only were my legs saying “STOP!!!!”, but so was my chain. In the last 10 miles my chain was screaming at me that it needed lube. It was not my fastest ride and it challenged me mentally. But I finished.
What was the difference between this and Dirty Kitten. Let’s go through the same process as above:
Goal - finish the race. Show myself what I could do. Finish a ride I knew would be hard.
Control - I focused on eating and drinking (the aid stations were wonderful! It was like being in the snack section at Costco! And at one point we even had gourmet sandwiches). I also focused on just one minute at a time. I was not concerned about the next hour, I focused on the next minute. Minute by minute I got over the hills. I also focused on my self talk. I became my biggest cheerleader and coach (You got this!! Look at how strong you are!!! C’mon!!! Pedal!!)
Commitment - I was committed to finishing without injuring myself. I knew we were not going on a road trip after this. We were going home where I could sleep in my own bed, and I didn’t have to work until the next afternoon.
Challenge - when I saw the hill preview pop on my bike computer I focused on just that hill. I focused on what I would have to do to get to the top.
Connection - I knew my wife would be waiting for me at the finish line. I also made a connection on course. Another rider and I rode together over several hills. Without him I am not sure how I would have done.
Physical - my heart rate would elevate when I climbed, but would come down when descending. My legs were sore, but they were appropriately burning and heavy. I had no significant physical concerns.
My decision was to keep going, to finish the race. I’m glad I made that decision.
Side note: I highly recommend both Dirty Kitten and Farmer’s Daughter. They were fun in ways that only endurance athletes would understand. They were challenging and beautiful. They both had wonderful volunteers, well stocked aid stations and food for finishers, even for me, the back of the pack finisher.
My next step is review. This is when I look back on what occurred and what decisions I made. It’s a bit of Monday morning quarterbacking but with an eye to the future. After the event I always look at what went well, what didn't go well. I dig into why did it go well, or why it didn’t. It's in those moments I learn what to do the next time. I think Joanna P from NY stated it perfectly
“As long as I learn something from each race, I don’t feel so bad about not finishing.” Joanna P.
So yes, there is disappointment, there may be sadness when we do not finish what we set out to do. If you can look back and answer “what did I learn?” then you had a successful day.
